It's not "The Destination", It's "The Journey" ..........

July 2013 - Post bone graft surgery - I had had an epidural with this surgery, and the first night after surgery, the epidural had leaked through the night, my pain relief medication had worn off and the pain levels were escalating - QUICKLY - I remember loosing my shit one morning with one of the nurses, and yelled at her - I felt so bad for yelling at her, but the pain, it was just something I can not compare it to.

Once the meds were changed and pumped back into me, and I was on top of the pain, I became somewhat more human, and as usual, physio was at the top of the priority list.

Rolling my ankle around, bending my foot up and down as often as I could, I was so paranoid about getting drop foot, I had planned before the surgery that I was going to work really hard with the physio to get my foot working as well as I could, and now was the time to start doing that. It was two days after surgery that I was standing and putting weight through the donor leg, it felt really weird, stiff and weak more than anything, but also wobbly like my feet were going to slip out from under me, but it wasn't long before I was walking laps around the ward with my trusty old gutter frame. I was told I would be able to start light load bearing in the next two months across both legs.

My goal was to get into the pool as quickly as I could. I knew it would be great for my body, AND it would be so nice to feel weightless. I couldn't move my body very easily, it often felt heavy and tired, so the pool, well I just knew it was going to be great. The trouble was, I had a wound on the side of me knee that was being stubborn and taking ages to heal. I was not allowed to be submerged in ANY water, particularly a pool to avoid any kind of infection until the hole had healed, so until that happened rehab was at home and included a physiotherapist coming to my house giving me exercises to do. I thought they were pretty lame, I was able to do more exercises than the therapist was giving me, so I did the exercises given to me and added my own.🦿

I spent many hours standing behind a chair, lifting my leg forward, out to the side and behind me, the standard 3 x 20, I would do similar exercises sitting on the floor. I'd use a rolled up towel placed under my knee so I could do small leg lifts. I'd do these exercises everyday and as many times throughout the day as I comfortably could. What I couldn't do though was "the other side". Because I couldn't put any weight through my right leg, my centre of gravity shifted. Instead of my body weight being evenly distributed through the middle of my body and through both legs, it had to shift to my left, my weight going through the centre of my left leg. I was going to pay for this, my hips and back were starting to hurt because my body was so crocked.

The hole in my knee that was being stubborn with healing, and was hand breaking me from getting to the pool. So when I'd see the Dr, I'd hound him about being able to get into the pool. I'd ask him, "what can we do to get this wound out of the way"........ Silver nitrate was his answer and by god did that shit hurt, it felt like someone was drilling a hole into the side of my knee.

I was given entonox (gas) for pain relief which some of you may have had before, and might I say, is DAM GOOD SHIT. My girlfriend would come to these sessions with me and in a Darth Vader voice she'd say "Breath it in!, and "Get it in ya" then sneak the odd suck of it herself, :) many a giggle was had!

I finally I got the green light for the pool, but was put on the waiting list for the hospital hydro pool, so until I could get into that pool, I went to the public pool, and man, did THAT come with challenges I hadn't though through. I had shrunk from 65kg to 48kg. and had only thought about being IN the pool, I hadn't actually thought about getting in and out of the pool or how cold it would be for me. My pool sessions were meant to be 20 minutes, I'd push on for as long as could before the pool supervisor would say, Rach, your lips have turned blue, time to get out, then I'd go warm up in the sauna. It all sounds very nice, but it was really hard work. I was standing on both legs at 10 days post op, pretty solidly through the donor leg, very lightly through the grafted leg.

One particular day I thought id have a treat now that I could actually be in water and thought I'd have a nice long soak in the bath at home, now this is something I'll never forget! As I went to sit in the bath, the bath felt bumpy, I thought, I don't remember the bottom of the bath having those non slip bumps?? (it doesn't) then as I slowly lean't back, every vertebrae in my back, the bones in my butt and the bones in my shoulder blades painfully dug into the bath, it was the most uncomfortable experience ever. I was so disappointed as I'd been looking forward to a soak for so long, this was anything BUT relaxing and this was when I had found a new appreciation for the curves I was missing and the padding they offered.

My body constantly felt tired and heavy so I included massage into my rehab. I massaged my legs every night, but it's never the same as actually being massaged, so I found a woman that could come to my house to massage me twice a week. Amazing that ACC do not consider massage "treatment' for rehab. It's amazing how massage helps the body recover. The massaging became treats I looked forward to and the only thing I could do to help my body relax.

Trying to decide what I was going to write about for this post, and being aware that 2019 is about to come to an end, another year has ticked by, and they just seem to go faster and faster! I have come to realise, that for myself, I actually do like to have a little look in the rearview mirror, and every now and then and it amazes me how time heals and shifts you and even your thoughts without you even realising it, which made me think back to when 2013 was coming to an end.

2013, I thought at the time, was the worst year of my life, the hurdles seemed so monumental. My body had been busted up and was a mess, my heart had been devastatingly broken, it felt like I was nothing but scars, inside AND out. There were a lot of tears behind closed doors, and behind an always smiling "brave face" front.

The year had felt like every hurdle that could be thrown at me, had been, that by the time 2013 had come to it's end, I was glad to see the back of it! But in actual fact, the way I view it now is, I had just been given the opportunity to completely rebuild my life, and here is the path to take my life in any direction I want. And you know what, I did exactly that.

Rehab became about building the best possible version of me I can, and that's exactly what I did and continue to do.

I am mindful that in writing this blog, it is not viewed as me being stuck in a time or trapped in the accident, but more to share my view and thought processes of how I transitioned through it into a new life, that has become one of the many chapters of my life. It is hard to see at the time, when everything feels stacked against you - but it truely is just a moment, and it will pass and you will grow with it and learn to live your life to suit what you need. The power of the mind is an incredible thing.